So I think this fits better. I hope my readers are satisfied with it. I know that others had other votes but annegst seemed to sum up the contents quite nicely. And after a night of whiskey sampling with almolicious, it seemed appropriate.

So I have been thinking about my life. This will be a quick entry and not the most pensive. That is due to whiskey and the hour. I feel compelled to watch a bit of a video one of the fulbright scholars gave to me. He'll be by my office tomorrow to see what I thought so I better watch some tonight. Damn. Shiva just farted. I wonder what caused that. It's rank.

Anyway - my job. My life. I often complain about Santa Barbara. Today I will write some celebratory things. I'm sitting outside tonight on the patio with Almolicious drinking and talking. It's 9-10pm and quite lovely. No mosquito problems. No humidity. Just pleasant. Yes, I could stay in SB and be happy. If I could afford a house (and a co-worker just bought at 2bd/2br for $737k), I could like it here. It's not hell by any means. Others who don't like SB bemoan its pedestrian nature. I don't need a big city. SB is fine with me.

My job. Yes, I often pine for something Bigger and Better. Here is the truth: my job here is pretty f*cking okay. I am the librarian for Latin American Studies and for Religious Studies. I also am for Chican@ Studies but folks in that dept really don't talk to me so I don't think of it much. I mean since I am white and have no penis, they have no need for me. I understand; I read the Plan de Santa Barbara in which Chican@ Studies programs were planned and it states fairly clearly that only chican@ people should be involved. I don't qualify therefore they don't feel the need to direct communication my way. That's okay.

When I applied for the job here it was only Latin American & Iberian Studies. I interviewed and sold that part of my background. I kind of didn't really mention the MA in Religious Studies even though it is on my CV. It is a degree I was ready to let atrophy. On day 1 here they tell me that they want me to cover RS as well. Surprise! I was a little annoyed; it felt like bait-and-switch. I postponed it since there was someone else doing it on an interim basis but eventually I had to take it over. Surprisingly, I love it. The RS dept has embraced me in a way I never expected. And I love working with them. The grad students are amazing. Some are clueless but I like nearly all of them. Each year has one or two who feels the need to be condescending but I don't take it personally since the rest are so fabulous. I am fortunate to work with them. And I know that when I apply for other jobs, those other jobs will just be in Latin American & Iberian Studies. I doubt that I will get to do both after I leave SB. And while working in the Benson collection is so exciting that I have to change my panties, I think I'd miss the RS part of my job here. Ironically I know I will eventually give up the RS part and yet I enjoy it so much here. So, I should learn to enjoy it while I have it.

I need to appreciate these aspects of being in SB and figure out how to be happy while I am here. Life here doesn't really suck at all. I need to learn that and to know that.

While there is much more I could write about this, I am a bit sloshed and I need to watch part of this Islam dvd.

A colleague of mine just got back from being a librarian for Semester at Sea. When I read her blog I was a bit overwhelmed and really wondered if I would have the inner strength to do something like that. She just gave a program to the library on her voyage and now I'm itching to go. Funny thing is, she tells everyone that I am the person who first suggested she apply. And now I question whether I could even do it. Could I do that? Am I strong enough? Am I independent enough? Who would take care of Shiva? Where would I put my stuff? It would be 100+ days (the trip itself is 100 days). Really - who would take care of Shiva?

My colleague mentioned there is another program that is more international. Semester at Sea is run out of U Virginia and tends to just attract kids from the US. The other one is called The Scholar Ship and I even looked at the job application for librarian. She said that The Scholar Ship has international academic partners and the US academic partner for it is UC Berkeley. Does that mean that I would continue to be a UC employee if I were on board? Could I really do this?

When could I do this? Well, it would be best to do it before I have kids (if I have kids...). Next spring semester I hope to be teaching a LEEP course through UIUC so maybe the following fall? I think I just might apply and worry about the domestic details if it looks like it could become a reality. Just thinking about it makes me the panicky kind of excited. The fine line between "oh cool" and "oh shit."

Is this appealing to me today more than other days because it offers an easy escape from the relationship issues I need to deal with?

Ok. Now that I got that out of my system I can keep working...