a tongue, mind and heart twister of a dilemma
I used to be so sure about what was important. I had my priorities in my head and nothing could make me rethink them. The Anne Train was headed in a certain direction and people could either come along or let me go past but I was not to be derailed or detoured or distracted. No compromise. Now everything has shifted. Things I thought were important don't seem to be as important as I thought they were. It's scary when your world turns on its ear. I guess it's exciting too. But right now I'm more on the scary part of the ride. Some friends say, "Wow! That's great!" and are happy for me that what was important no longer is. How can they be happy for me? I used to be so sure about everything (professionally) and I was like some fundamentalist Christian who is so convinced that she knows what Truth is. And now it's like that same fundy says, "There is no God." The shift for me is just that radical.

I'm going to have to decide between what I always thought I wanted and what I think I've always wanted.

Following the heart is scary. I'm much more used to following my head.