I used to dance around the living room
The other day I was in a funk. I just needed to let loose and be me. I needed to be free. And one of my favorite ways -- all time favorite ways -- to do that is to blast music and sing and dance. Now I can do this with different kinds of music but the best, for some odd reason, is show tunes. Yes, show tunes. Lately it's been RENT. The rockin' beat, the positive message. Not just HIV Positive, but the carpe diem "929,600 minutes." Wow. That's a year. I spent 167 of them running this morning. Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for RENT. I wanted something different. I wanted PIPPIN. Why? Perhaps it's the 70s cheese. I think it's from the 70s. Perhaps it was that I needed the message about "finding my corner of the sky" and being reminded to take risks and make changes in order to be happy. Perhaps I needed to hear that others might encourage me to take chances so they can live vicariously through me but that they aren't necessarily looking out for my best interests. In PIPPIN he is encouraged to commit suicide -- "Think about the sun, Pippin. Think about her golden glance. How she lights the world up, well now it's your chance." Who are those people in PIPPIN? The ones Ben Vereen (?) leads. The ones who cajole him into doing things. Are they his id? Anyway, I'm singing and dancing and having a great time. It was cathartic. I have the piano book and the female lead in the cast album had to transpose the songs to reach the high notes. I don't think I was singing too poorly. Actually I don't think I have that bad of a voice. Now of course I can't go around saying that to people because I was socialized and educated to be modest. Don't brag. Don't toot your own horn. And my voice is nothing to brag about so going around saying, "I'm not that bad of a singer" isn't really impressive enough to warrant people's attention, so why do it.

Well, PIPPIN was coming to an end and I wasn't done yet. Maybe that's why I've been going with RENT lately: it's a double-album. Sigh. So I slid A CHORUS LINE into the CD player to follow up. "Again step kick kick leap kick touch" I don't remember when the last time I listened to A CHORUS LINE would have been. But I knew all the lyrics. I could sing along. And then I started with my dance moves. Oh yes, the dance moves. When I was a little kid living in South Bend I would listen to the LP of A CHORUS LINE in the basement of our house. Why the basement? I think I had some crappy record player in my bedroom but I used the one in the basement. I would listen to that music and make up dance routines. I didn't take dance class. Reagan McManus did down the street but I didn't. So I would make up fake tap routines for "I can do that." During "At the ballet" I would twirl around dramatically -- it is quite a dramatic song after all. So the other day when I was twirling and singing and came upon, "I used to dance around the living room..." I was taken back to my basement.

I would want to give little performances. To whom? Oh I don't know. I think my stuffed animals were my first audience. Then any adult I could convince. One time my uncle Bob was visiting and he is a musician so when he said something vaguely complimentary about my "performance" I really took it to heart. I thought I could one day get a job in The Business! Ha! That's like when he announced he was engaged to Anya. We were in Chicago and they lived in NY at the time (still do). Anya is from Iowa and Bob had wanted to purchase the engagement ring in Chicago. I said, "You wanted a Chicago diamond and you got an Iowa gem." I still remember that! Why? Because he said, "Wow. You're good. You ought to write poetry." That would have been at least 25 years ago and I remember it because it was a compliment from my uncle bob and he was special. Now I laugh at how ridiculous that is.

So I was getting into "Hello 12, Hello 13, Hello Love" when the power went out. Ack! Damn wildfires. Such an abrupt ending to my cathartic session.